You know its pathetic how you’re trying to make me jealous infront of your girlfriend/toy but what you don’t know is that she’s a little whore kissing other guys around school. Hahaha this is so ironic. Pathetic asshole. Get a life rather than wasting your time trying to ruin mine, bitch.
*Pollen accidentally enters body*
Immune system: What the hell is that?
Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-
Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK
Pollen: What?!? No! We just got lo-
Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES
Pollen: The what?
Mucus membranes: Sir. All the floodgates?
Immune system: ALL OF THEM.
Pollen: Wait. Wait. You don't... Oh shi-
milesgayme: you may think you don‘t like arctic monkeys but you like arctic monkeys
thebatteur: once in kindergarten a girl asked me to write “super girl” on her arm since i was the only kid who could write so i wrote “shit” on her arm and i hid under the table for like 30 minutes then the teacher found me and yelled at me then called my parents and my dad laughed so hard he cried
I suck at texting unless I am in a relationship with you You are my mom I need something Me and you are close as fuck
The most painful goodbyes are the ones never said,...
yanilavigne: (Quotes here)
bueno: things i haven’t learned in high school how to pay bills how to buy a house how to buy a car how to apply for loans for college but thank jesus i can graph a polynomial function
ipoog: i wish girls could have sleep overs with boys without the whole they gonna frick attitude
theanti90smovement: sorry i cant hang out with u today i have to catch up on my crying
snorlaxatives: miranda cosgrove turned 20 today but to me she will always look like this
connorkawaii: connorkawaii: the sims 4 logo looks like something i made on powerpoint with the gradient filter in primary school wow i swear to god i thought i’d have a go and actual logo: powerpoint: your secrets out EA
epic-humor: the-aspect-of-oblivion: saturgay: masturbate more like masturgreat ha u feel me no, no one feels you, that’s why you’re masturbating. oh burn
So my professor was asking questions.
Professor: Who plans on getting married within the next 5-10 years?
Like 3 people: *raises hand*
Professor: Who plans on never getting married?
Me: *raises hand*
Professor: *points me out* why?
Me: It's illegal.
sowwy: danieldempsey: My dude straight loving him some nsync. I JUST LAUGHED SO HARD
sodamnrelatable: when you have a pen that flows on paper so beautifully
shutupaubrey: i hate summer because i hate my body
dalailamaofficial: have you ever thought about the fact that like 6 people died because romeo couldn’t control his dick
kankrivantas: do you ever think really awful thoughts and suddenly become aware that you are not a good person
14th2: aiclan: afrogay: if i die my funerals gonna be the biggest fucken party and you’re all invited if great, the only party ive ever been invited to and he might not even die